Crap Song Lyrics - 1

I just read an article on the NME web site with 50 crap lyrics, and I really thought they could have done much better. For example, "This is man's world, but it would be nothing without a woman or a girl" came in for criticism for neglecting 50% of the population.  Still, no-one ever said music journalists were intelligent.

In an effort to redress the balance in favour of truly crap lyrics, I'm going to start sharing some favourites of mine that I've discovered over the years. My particular favourites are unromantic lines in love songs...

Boys II Men - I'll Make Love to You
Number 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 for 14 weeks, and it won a Grammy too.  It does include this unfortunately unromantic pair of lines though:

Throw your clothes on the floor

I'm gonna take my clothes off too

Sounds like they're still Boyz to me.

JLS - Love You More

Jack the Lad Swing (did you know that?) is what the letters stand for, but they seem to lack a little imagination when it comes to sweet-talking the ladies.

Day one I first laid my eyes on you.

Day two I can't help but think of you.

Day three was the same as day two.

Day four I fell in love with you.

Seriously? "Day three was the same as day two?"  For today I'm going to ignore the ghastly stress on the word "the" that is induced by putting these lyrics to that tune.

Can you imagine gazing intently into the eyes of your beloved, whispering something along the lines of, "I remember that day when first saw you. The next day, I couldn't stop thinking about you.  The day after that was the same as the previous day. The day after that I fell in love with you."

So not only are you completely killing any kind of narrative, and losing the emotion of the moment (by repeating day two on day three), you're also telling her that it wasn't love at first sight, but that you had to spend two full days thinking about her first, before falling in love.

How unflattering that sounds, not even taking into account that someone who analyses their romance in that sort of detail is unlikely to be the catch of the century.

More Crap Song Lyrics as I find them...